Long Looks, Last Glimpses

I’ve been waiting since February for Memories Captured to return. (Thanks, Galit and Alison, for hosting this.) I can’t believe how fast the months have gone by. Now that it’s back, I look forward to sharing my mom-moments with fellow bloggers who’ve chosen to capture their memories through photos and words.

My son is three and a half as of this writing. And to be honest, I’m a bit scared that the years are going by so quickly.

Every day, a part of me worries if I am doing things right (or if there is a “right” way to this parenting thing at all).

Sometimes I lie awake beside him at night, wondering if I’ll ever be able to fall asleep without him cuddled close to me in a bundle. He’s asked for his own bed, and I’ve said yes…. but how come I’ve not made the moves to buy one?

I think it’s because I’m still afraid to let go… to look forward.

A huge part of me seems to feel like I need to hold him back, though my heart and mind knows I should be moving forward with him.

No one ever said watching your child grow up would be this hard…

… or that I’d have to take several “last looks” into his youth.

Maybe it’s me wishing for another baby to, well, baby.

Maybe I’m not ready to be a mom to a preschooler. (He starts twice-a-week preschool classes this month.)

Maybe I’m a little uncertain about where to go from here.

All I know is: He’s always taking long looks ahead. He knows he wants to take bigger leaps.

I just have to be as brave.

memories captured

This is part of Memories Captured, a monthly blog linky hosted by Galit and Alison. You can join in, too: Just capture a moment or a someone that you love in words and photos, create a blog post, and share it with the linky. The important thing is to capture the moments, relive the memories.

Comments

    • Martine says

      I know, Adrienne! They’re always so gung-ho about everything. Is it old age or something? Sigh.
      Thanks for stopping by. Loving the Memories Captured posts this month. :)

  1. says

    My son is the same age. They want to be big but there are moments when they are still so small and oh how we cherish those “small” times. Also, this is my first time visiting your blog. It is gorgeous!!
    Jean recently posted..Will you…My Profile

    • Martine says

      Hi, Jean! Thanks for being here! :) Yes, the “small” times are fleeting, aren’t they? I SO want to hold on to them! Sigh!

  2. says

    Aw. This post made me cry. :( My son is just 8 months old but I already have thoughts like these too. I am scared of the though that my child grows up pretty fast and will soon be having his own busy life. Time flies so fast. Have to cherish every moment with him.

  3. says

    What a look, and what a looker! I know what you mean about the deliciousness of snuggling up with the little ones. I have to make an effort to let them be more independent, because I still see them as my babies. You know? You do. You can do it, you can be brave. Preschool is a wonderful world, and they just explode with development. It’s amazing. Good luck!
    Rivki Silver recently posted..The Truth About Feeding Small ChildrenMy Profile

  4. says

    Oh Martine this post is so beautiful. You sums it up so beautifully and I’d say steal away as many as those moments you can captured. It really is precious and our little ones growing up way too fast.
    Maureen@ScoopsofJoy recently posted..I Am Not FineMy Profile

  5. says

    And so, like serendipity, you posted this. I had a tough time last night — with my almost 5-year-old who can now intentionally spill milk and annoy me at its peak. But then again, I remembered her as a baby who did nothing but coo and looked at me in delight. I have stored that in the deepest corner of my memory bank, in case of emergencies.

    And I feel you in “maybe it’s me, wishing for another baby…” Same here. Let the gods of conception help us. Haha! Hope to see you soon, Martine! :)
    Denise Rayala recently posted..As She Grows Older, Parenting Gets TougherMy Profile

    • Martine says

      I love that, a “whisper into our future.” You’re so right!
      Thanks for bringing back Memories Captured! I feel like I’m back to real mommy blogging, which I kinda lost along the way.

    • Martine says

      They are a mix of pain and joy, indeed.
      Thank you, Galit! Memories Captured is going to help me so much as the years go by!

  6. says

    I know this heartache so very well. I have a 3-yr old too and it’s beautiful and sad how fast she is growing. I have a baby to baby too and he seems to be growing faster. That water analogy is perfect m
    Tricia recently posted..One of those memoriesMy Profile

    • Martine says

      “Beautiful and sad.” Indeed it is. I suppose it’s also why I feel the “need” to have another baby soon. Is that weird? Does it always feel this way when your kid isn’t a baby anymore? I wonder.

    • Martine says

      You’re absolutely right, Tracie. I hope I can be as gung-ho looking into the future. Sometimes I feel like time just whizzes by so fast as I get older, while for my kid, it seems like forever until his next birthday! Remember when it took SO long for everything when we were younger?

  7. says

    I feel the same way about my son who’s only 16 months. I can still remember what my father told me the night before he sent me to UP as a freshman. He said a child is like a flowing water in their parents’ hands. You can still hold on to your child when he/she was still a tiny droplet. As that droplet grows bigger each day, it will eventually slip out of your hand. The meaning of what my dad told me never really dawned to me until I became a mom.
    ilonggamommy recently posted..DIY: Interior Designing Your Own PlaceMy Profile

    • Martine says

      That’s a beautiful analogy, L. Evidently your father was thinking about YOU when he thought up that simile! But you’re right; this is a new kind of “pain” to me. It’s like I don’t want to miss any moment in my kid’s life, because I might regret it later on… sigh.

      • says

        I think we just have to savor every minute we have with them. Like how we savor every minute we have with our loved ones. Our moms certainly felt the same way. We’ll just shower them with lots of kisses every chance we get. My child is overkissed! I couldn’t help it. I am one hovering mom myself. I’m sure you’ll not regret anything. He will always be your baby ;)
        ilonggamommy recently posted..DIY: Interior Designing Your Own PlaceMy Profile

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