Long Looks, Last Glimpses

Long Looks, Last Glimpses

I’ve been waiting since February for Memories Captured to return. (Thanks, Galit and Alison, for hosting this.) I can’t believe how fast the months have gone by. Now that it’s back, I look forward to sharing my mom-moments with fellow bloggers who’ve chosen to capture their memories through photos and words.

My son is three and a half as of this writing. And to be honest, I’m a bit scared that the years are going by so quickly.

Every day, a part of me worries if I am doing things right (or if there is a “right” way to this parenting thing at all).

Sometimes I lie awake beside him at night, wondering if I’ll ever be able to fall asleep without him cuddled close to me in a bundle. He’s asked for his own bed, and I’ve said yes…. but how come I’ve not made the moves to buy one?

I think it’s because I’m still afraid to let go… to look forward.

A huge part of me seems to feel like I need to hold him back, though my heart and mind knows I should be moving forward with him.

No one ever said watching your child grow up would be this hard…

… or that I’d have to take several “last looks” into his youth.

Maybe it’s me wishing for another baby to, well, baby.

Maybe I’m not ready to be a mom to a preschooler. (He starts twice-a-week preschool classes this month.)

Maybe I’m a little uncertain about where to go from here.

All I know is: He’s always taking long looks ahead. He knows he wants to take bigger leaps.

I just have to be as brave.

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This is part of Memories Captured, a monthly blog linky hosted by Galit and Alison. You can join in, too: Just capture a moment or a someone that you love in words and photos, create a blog post, and share it with the linky. The important thing is to capture the moments, relive the memories.

You can never be too late to capture memories.

You can never be too late to capture memories.

One of my blogging goals this year was to “take back the blog.” For me, that meant separating work from pleasure, which I’ve done — quite WAHMdefully, I should say. I wanted to have more space to write about my stories, my life outside of the work-at-home theme the blog carried on for the past two years. I wanted to go back to my bliss, and I’m enjoying the journey, the planning of the posts, the re-living of the memories.

Which is why I’m sad. Now that I have time to write about the silly and sweet, one of the linkups I’ve discovered, Memories Captured, will be closing its doors — at least for a few months. (If you’ve never read it, Memories Captured is a linkup that encourages bloggers each month to capture the moments that “catch our hearts and hold our memories.” It’s a project of love between Galit Breen and Alison Lee, and I’m rather sad I only got to join now. But, Memories Captured will be back in June… so I guess we’ll make more memories for then!)

But, I’ve learned that it’s never too late to wear your heart on your sleeve (or on your blog, in this case). So I’m seizing the last chance, Alison. But I want to thank you, for starting this linkup when you did, and for still letting me join, even at the last minute.

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I don’t know what it is about the third year of a kid’s life. I thought it would feel the same as the first or the second, but this time around, it’s drastically different. He says so many things, asks so many questions, and makes many demands. Sometimes I feel like it’s him leaving me behind. Is that normal?

Some days I like to think that I’ll get used to him shooting up, getting taller, losing more and more of the “baby-ness” that I’ve grown so familiar with, yet have seen fade as quickly as he’s learned alphabet sounds.

Now he’s drinking green smoothies.

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The days when I was carrying him around my mom’s garden (in a sling), teaching him words like “tree”, “leaf” and “bird, ” seem like a distant dream. Last week, at 3 years and 2 months old, he was fascinated about watering the plants using the power hose.

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“Look, Mama: They are growing!”

 

 

I tell him that water makes the plants and flowers grow. I said that the trees would reach up to sky, to where the sun could smile on them. That seemed to amaze him to no end, and on this particular day, I could not pull him away from the garden. He might have watered the plants for a good half hour, not that anybody minded. But, in the back of my mind, I wondered: What will he find fascinating tomorrow? How many wonderful things will amaze him at four years old — or fourteen? What would be his next fixation?

Most of all: Could my heart and mind grow any bigger, to capture all these moments?

Well… at least, for as long as I can write, or take a photo, they can.

Maybe one day, he’ll read this blog in his teendom and think I’m silly. Maybe he’ll laugh; maybe he’ll cringe. I don’t really worry about it. What matters is that I remembered… and I kept the memory of this afternoon alive.

There’s still time to join the last day of Memories Captured. Link up until 9PM Eastern, February 15.